Saturday, December 10, 2011

Things I have learned today - Part 9

1.   Being in a new workplace is stressful; people don't have the time to socialize. So I hung out near water cooler – the Mecca for small talk. Consequentially, I had to pee more often. At first I casually chose the penultimate urinal, but later it became a habit. The more I visited that urinal the more I got emotionally attached to it. I once waited for my turn when a guy already occupied it while others being unoccupied, it freaked the fuck out of him; then I stopped this shit.

2.  Most of the billion dollar ideas are simple. Last week I was struck with such an idea. An idea which was so simple and yet had the potential to generate infinite revenue. So I was sending money to my friend through fund transfer portal on the bank's website, it came to me in a flash. In the field of 'amount to be transferred' I entered '-500' and clicked on 'Send'. I thought I would become billionaire over night. I thought I would quit my job and start money laundering business with abysmal interest rates. I thought I would buy toilet paper made of cash. But just as I clicked on the 'Send' button, a error box appeared saying I cannot enter negative values. So much for my flash forward visions.

3. If you want to freak some person out, just open his/her Facebook profile and like all the photos in all the albums and all the posts he/she posted for the past 2 years. If things get out of hand, just do what everyone does after writing Freudian slips on walls; say your profile had been hacked by someone and you are extremely sorry.

4.  If you want to talk to a girl, don’t google her up before you start your first conversation.

5.  A flash mob isn’t a mob of flashers. Yes, life is unfair.

6. After an era of duck faced Facebook profile pictures, now it is extreme close up of the face slightly tilted. I have no idea how these uncool fads become popular.

7.  I sent a meme to my manager wishing him happy thanksgiving; I don’t think he took it well.

8. If you have nightmares during siesta, are they called daymares?

9.Call me immature but everytime I see 69% battery remaining on my phone, I laugh my ass off.

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