Saturday, October 5, 2013

Quotes from the past

For some reason I had to sanitize my facebook history yesterday and I had compiled all the quotes which I found as funny as my 4 year younger self did.

  • If cricket is a religion, I would still be an athiest.
  • A dead cat is funnier than a LOL cat.
  • What are you? A toothfairy's pimp?
  • Poor integers, they are separated by infinite real numbers and to top it, they face identity crisis in their neighborhood.
  • A friend in need might be your adversary trying to mess with your productivity
  • I am a junkie. Hypothetically.
  • Midsem 7x05 - The one with a stupid bitch
  • Imagine the English language with out the F-word. Now imagine if all the women were flat-chested. Which one made you more sad?
  • Why do all aliens wear same clothes?
  • (to Please include invisibility feature in Gtalk by EOD. Thanks!
  • Searched my name in wiki leaks. Fortunately, no results were found. Yet.
  • Some one told me that if I want to hit on a colleague, I have to interact with her professionally first. I added her on LinkedIn.
  • If you develop a hypotheses matrix before hitting on a girl, you have a serious problem.
  • Isn't it ironic that the more facebook friends you have, the less actual friends you have?
  • (October 20, 2010) - Deleted Thanks for your time.
  • Why are most tablets circular? To avoid side-effects.
  • Did you know that one in every four ants is an elephant? a-leap-ant.
  • Found my 4th grade crush on facebook. And I poked her.
  • Girl next door saw me flipping off a dog. That ship has sailed.
  • A huge weight has been lifted off my head. Literally. #haircut
  • There is cream in a cream biscuit, but there ain't no dog in a dog biscuit
  • 60 pages of quiz preparation starts with a single page. And probably ends with the same page.
  • I couldn't sleep last night. even after listening to jigglypuff's song for an hour.
  • Operation Attend Classes-Which-Can-Not-Possibly-Fail-For-The-18th-time-in-a-row in is progress
  • Not all marriages are made in heaven. Some are made in defective condom boxes.
  • Dear facebook, there is a reason why I am not friends with that person with 82 mutual friends. Quit showing those suggestions
  • I gave BSOD to an ATM

Friday, February 8, 2013

Things I have learned today - Part 12

For a change, instead of jotting down the things I have learned, I am listing down the things that aren't so clear to me. I am not a clever man, please bear with me.
  • When someone says something funny over an IM or a text, do you say 'haha' or 'hehe'? Even if you decide to go with something, how many times do you repeat 'ha' or 'he'? Is the frequency proportional the intensity of funny the aforementioned IM/text is? Can we generalize it with the following equation?

  • When you give credit card to a waiter in a restaurant to pay your bill, how can you blindly trust that he doesn't copy your credit card number with its cvv code and doesn't use this information to feed his Meth addiction?  

  • I have seen a lot of people use 'Print this only if it is absolutely necessary' in their email signature. Why? Firstly who in their right mind prints emails? Even if they are out of their element, how can you expect them to read your lame signature and completely change their lunatic lifestyle of printing all the emails and physically archiving them? Get out of your smug cloud and shut the fuck up.

  • Why is HBO showing all day romantic movie marathon on Feb 14? Screw market research, don't they have minimal common sense that people who get influenced by this valentines day fad don't sit in front of their TVs that day? The only ones who stay back at home are the forever alone guys and ugly girls who are already depressed that they are going to die alone, showing romantic movies to them is like running in front of an amputee in a wheel chair and challenging him to a 100 meters sprint. With obstacles.

  • Infants are scary people. What goes on in their minds? Can they think? Do they think like dogs? Why do they feel so entitled? Don't they get bored doing nothing all day other than eating and pooping? Is training them in a Pavlovian way legal? Why do they sleep like they have built the whole world in 5 days?